Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
