I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
