i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
