so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
