There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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