I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
