i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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