we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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