Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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