She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
