i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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