I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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