Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
