party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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