According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
