I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
