how can u be prego again
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
