You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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