This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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