I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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