I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
