youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We named our party play list daddy issues
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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