My Higher Power is John Stamos
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
