my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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