Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize