So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Acid is not a monday night drug
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
