I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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