Rock
Scissors
Fuck
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
