i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want her autograph on my taint
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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