I'm jealous of your bromance
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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