Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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