around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
