people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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