You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..