Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.