Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it