I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
