He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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