Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
