How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
