i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
