So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
