Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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