Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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