I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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