Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
as a side note pls kill me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
