in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
