You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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