and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
