i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
