This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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