i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
