i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
