Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
