meet me or not, i'm out of control
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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