just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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