eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
