Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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