the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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