8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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