I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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