the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
