Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
