just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
