so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
sex in a hospital.. check
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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