I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
