The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
