What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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