I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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