quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
