I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
