matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
