She just used a chaser for red wine.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
