K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
