Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
this will be a night to untag.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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