my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Too much gin, very little bucket
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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