I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ugly people sure do ruin things
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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