just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
