and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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