so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
