if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
