It's a beautiful day for a hangover
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
