Apparently you make a good broom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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