The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How external is "for external use only"?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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